This Clinical Biblical Trail Will Prove that God Heals and Restores
Nagging and Reoccurring Problems and Addictions
First Things First
We are asking every Christian who has a "Reoccurring Problem or Addiction" with faith to have the Courage to Participate in this Clinical 30-day Biblical Trial, you will never regret it.
Before you start answer the following questions and read any post where you need clarification or understanding, CLICK HERE: fullerofgraceandtruth.com.
One
Are you a born-again, Spirit regenerated Christian who believes in Jesus Christ according to the Bible, God's Word? YES or NO
If the answer is NO or you're not sure about this definition of a Christian, we encourage you to read our post under my blog titled, Jesus Plus Nothing Saves You.
Two
Everyone participating is encouraged to read the following posts before you begin:
You Need to Know How 5 Powerful Truths Defeat Temptation (required).
The 7-Day Challenge to Defeat Addiction will give you the foundational truths that you will need to understand the 30-day Clinical Christian Trial. (required)
3 Powerful Ways to Avoid the World's Evil. (optional)
Please read the following Appendices enclosed at the end of this 30-day Trial. This will give you details, definitions, and an understanding of key concepts.
Introduction
It is a bold and courageous choice, or a response to God's calling, to trust God and He is willing and able to set you free from bondage. It is part of His character, to restore, transform, and heal the broken. The main goal of our 20-year Prayer/Counseling Ministry was to guide clients on how to trust God and run to Him in their most vulnerable and painful moments.
We found that many factors blocked an intimacy with God. Most of them were lies they believed about God, unwillingness to acknowledge their brokenness or sin, past trauma and/or abuse; and the lie that walking in the flesh offered pleasure. relief, and comfort even if temporary. These lies led to coping strategies used that are apart from God. Eventually, this led to addictions in their thoughts and behaviors. Addictions are just a nice way of saying you choose slavery over freedom.
Why Run to God
An intimate relationship with the Trinity, not just knowing about Him, reaps benefits far beyond your dreams and expectations. Many Scriptures reveal the promises of God when we trust and run to him with our problems. He will heal the brokenhearted, set captives in bondage free, give hope to the poor, help people see the truth, and set free those who are oppressed, He offers rest for the weary, peace for the anxious (any negative emotion), and grace (love and mercy) to those who run to Him in their time of need.
“The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me (Jesus) because He anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor. He has sent Me to proclaim release to the captives, and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free those who are oppressed. To proclaim the favorable year of the Lord" (Luke 4:18-19). “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matthew 11: 28-30). "Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:5-7). "Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:16).
The Scientific Method
The Scientific Method is employed in numerous Clinical Trials to use scientific approaches to validate a worldly or secular hypothesis, which they then establish as truth through science and reason. Even alternative healing methods like meditation, mindfulness, brain plasticity, acupuncture, chiropractic, EMDR, PEMF, and yoga support healing on physical, emotional, and spiritual levels. We will conduct this 30-day Clinical Trial using a Christianized adaptation of the Scientific Method.
Although Christianity is all about the centralized figure in the Bible, Jesus Christ, and is based on believing by faith, not science. We believe that God heals His children by His Word, Presence, and Holy Spirit. We believe we can empirically prove it through 20 years of teaching "Intimacy with God" (Bill), and "Intimacy with your Married Spouse" (Janean). By using a Biblical protocol to heal and set free any person who is willing to release and give to God any addiction. This healing protocol is based on intimacy with God and His Holy Promises!!!
A Christianized Version of the Scientific Method
In this context, the scientific method is an organized approach to investigating phenomena such as healing. It involves observing, forming a hypothesis, predicting outcomes, conducting experiments, analyzing results, and drawing conclusions, all to objectively validate Biblical truths through applying God's Word, Presence, and Spirit.
Here's a more detailed breakdown of the Christianized scientific method:
Observation:
In this Experience of being "Intimate with God," we will observe the problem of addiction or emotional dysfunction.
Question:
The question we will ask ourselves is, does God heal addictions or emotional dysfunction and how?
Hypothesis:
We will propose a testable explanation or hypothesis to answer this question. It will be specific to the participant's personal needs, addiction, and relationship with God.
Prediction:
We make a prediction based on a personal hypothesis or truth that according to God's Word, Presence, and Holy Spirit anyone, and any addiction, can be healed and that person can be renewed and set free from bondage.
Experiment:
This is regarding a specific healing 30-day Christian protocol based on 20 years of hundreds of clients in a Private Christian Counseling/Ministry. When followed we expect the problem, addiction, to restore the participant to healing, transformation, and redemption. and prove our prediction.
Data Analysis:
I will analyze the data collected during the trial to determine if our prediction was supported or refuted and why.
Conclusion:
Based on the data analysis, I will conclude the results by following the 30-day Christian protocol. I will determine whether the question that God heals addiction based on His Word, Presence, and Holy Spirit using this 30-day protocol is true.
Report the Findings:
We will report the findings of this 30-day Clinical Christian Trial on my blog: fullerofgraceandtruth.com.
Details of the 30-day Clinical Christian Protocol
Simply put, you need to know how these 5 powerful truths will defeat temptation, sin, and eventually spiritual death. These 5 truths are Biblical ways that lead you to walk in the fruit of the spirit. They take us out of the temptation to the foot of the cross and an encounter with Jesus Christ. According to the Scriptures, Jesus is the only way to defeat temptations. This is how you are restored. Therefore, what are these 5 powerful truths?
Step One: Identify Your Addiction
Step Two: Run to God and Focus on Him
Step Three: Believe the Truth
Step Four: Jesus is Your Example
Step Five; Focus on God in the Moment of Temptation
Step Six: Take Every Thought Captive to the Obedience of Christ During the Moment of Temptation
Step 1-Identify Your Addiction
When a person goes to a counselor or spiritual director, there is a reason for what we call a presenting issue or problem. God is your Divine Counselor and Healer. So, we always start with acknowledging a presenting issue, sin, or addiction. What is the problem,
Select the Addiction, Emotional, or Psychological Issue You Wish Liberated
Examples would be:
Emotional—anxiety, apathy, fear, and suffering with life circumstances.
Psychological—Depression,
Marital Conflict—abuse, infidelity, divorce
Trauma—past abuse that interferes with living in the moment or intimacy.
Addictions—anything that has control over your behaviors.
Sexual sin—pornography, rape, pre-marital sex-fornication, sexual abuse
Our job was to reveal why they were unable to run to God, believing only God's presence and truth could set them free. God is the only agent of change, healing, and restoration, no one or anything else. It begins with acknowledging the problem.
Step Two: Run to God and Focus on Him
I have a saying, “You don’t manage or control your life, so bad things don’t happen, you live life fully in Christ, and when you’re disrupted and tempted, you focus on Jesus.” This statement deals with how you respond or react to temptations. What you do in the past and now at the moment will affect your future!
Running to God and focusing on God the exact moment you’re being tempted.
Run to God
Acknowledge your coping strategies like your addictions
Your decision happens at the moment you’re tempted.
Every human being is tempted by the world, the flesh, and the devil. Temptation is an enticement to live out of your carnal and fleshly desires. We call this walking in the flesh. There are only two ways to respond to temptation. One, Focus on God, acknowledge that you are being tempted, no denial or pretending, then turn to the love and power of Jesus. Two, Focus on Self, circumstances, pain, offenses, which ignites a flesh response that gives into the temptation and the sin addiction,
Evil is everywhere. It permeates every aspect of your Christian life and society. But there is a way to overcome evil, and his name is Jesus. This challenge will teach you how to run to Jesus. Temptation is the tool by which evil encourages and deceives you to succumb to your carnal desires, addictions, idolatries, and pleasures. It conflicts the Christian between good and evil and reinforces the unbeliever to pursue whatever they want or think. Temptation is not a sin but leads to sin and, eventually, death. The world, the flesh, and the Devil are the primary tools behind temptation.
Definition of Addiction
Addiction is a complex and debilitating condition characterized by a compulsive and uncontrollable desire to engage in a particular behavior or substance despite adverse consequences. It profoundly impacts an individual’s physical, psychological, spiritual, social, and emotional well-being. The allure of any addiction lies in the temporary pleasure or relief it provides. In most cases, it denies God’s sovereignty and a proclivity for self-indulgence and control. Therefore, this self-focus creates a powerful cycle of craving, consumption, and withdrawal, weakening you to a vulnerability to temptation and the Devil’s schemes. The earmark of an addict is excessive lying. (for details, please refer to Appendix 1)
There is also a little-known addiction called Intimacy Avoidance or Anorexia. It is where the addict avoids intimacy to protect themselves from pain and disappointment. It appears with the people closest to them like a spouse because they have the most power to hurt them. There are 10 ways to avoid intimacy. (for details, please refer to Appendix 2)
Emotional dysfunctions such as fear, anger, worry, and anxiety, can also be categorized as addictions. Instead of being controlled by inappropriate behaviors, these emotions can be attributed to a lack of trust and faith in God. They are motivated by lies, thoughts, inward chatter or voices, cognitive distortion, and false belief systems. There are three sources of lies that war against your journey to wholeness, the world, the flesh, and the devil. (for details, please refer to Appendix 3)
If you do not run to God with your addictions, you will require strategies, coping mechanisms, or broken cisterns trying to fill the emptiness of your heart and to cover or take away completely your pain. (for details, please refer to Appendix 4)
Step 3-Believe the Truth
What is Temptation?
So, what is temptation? First of all, the temptation is not sinning, although it leads to fleshly living, sinful behaviors, extended bondage, and eventually death. We know this because Jesus, in every way, was tempted but without sin.
Focus on God in the moment of temptation.
Humbly submit to God, and He will draw near.
You are not tempted beyond what you can handle.
God is always faithful.
God always provides a way of escape—Jesus!
Jesus is our mighty and powerful weapon!
Step 4-Jesus is Your Example
The 5 steps to Defeat Temptation show you that Jesus is your example when it comes to temptation. Jesus was led into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil after His baptism and before His ministry started. Is it comforting to know that even when you’re tempted that God is in control? Jesus quoted the Scriptures and then told the Devil to leave. He resisted the Devil by believing the truth of Scripture, quoting it which demonstrated a submission to God (James 4:7).
Satan tempts Jesus by lying, using half-truths, and even Scripture out of context. Jesus acknowledges the deception and resists the devil and submits to God’s Word. He speaks the truth and rebukes the lie. Christ takes every thought captive to God’s revealed truth. He does it the very moment He is tempted. Satan tried to deceive Jesus two more times. He responded the same way. The devil had to flee when Jesus to him to go away.
You will be tempted until the day you see Jesus face to face. Resisting the devil and submitting to God requires an intimate relationship with Jesus in the same way He had a close relationship with His Father in Heaven. Who is the truth, of course, it's Jesus.
Jesus is your example!
Be intimately acquainted with God and His Word.
Reject the lie of the enemy; accept the truth.
Step 5-Focus on God in the Moment of Temptation
The 5 steps to Defeat Temptation reveal the key is living in the present moment. You immediately take it to God. So how do you live in the moment? You focus on God, His Word, Jesus, truth, and the Holy Spirit living in and through you. God does not call us to fix the past or manage the future. God lives in the moment! Yes, He is God of the past, but He doesn’t ask you to live, fix, or focus on the past. Indeed, He is the God of the future, but He doesn’t ask you to manage or focus on the future. When the world, flesh, or devil tempts you, God asks you to focus on Him and run to Him in the present moment. Therefore, when you are tempted, you desperately need Jesus, and He freely gives you more than you can imagine. He offers you rest, peace, and grace.
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My load is light” (Matthew 11:28-30). “Rejoice in the Lord always; again, I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:4-7). “Therefore, let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16).
I Pray, and Nothing Happens
You might say, “I pray, and I pray, and God hasn’t healed me!” Do you pray, Lord help me with my addictions, and nothing happens? Your prayers are likely not in the moment of temptation. But after giving in to temptation or praying for victory in the future. God heals our past wounds, and He paves the way for future freedom. But He only helps you with temptation when you resist, submit, and act on His Word, Truth, and Spirit living in and through you at the moment.
Step 6-Take Every Thought Captive to Christ During the Moment of Temptation
Step five is to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ during the moment of temptation which is an actual assault, harassment, or enticement from the world, flesh, or devil. As we have discussed previously, the key is focusing on God in the moment of temptation, not after. So, how does God give you a way of escape and what is it?
God Gives You a Way of Escape
God gives everyone a way out when tempted, and it comes into play, or full bloom around the word submit. Submit is taking every thought captive and focusing or giving them to Jesus, again, at the exact moment of temptation.
Temptations are common to all humans, and you can trust God to be faithful and help. Therefore, we focus on God. He is the way of escape! Let’s go back to why we give in to temptation and lustful thoughts. The Lord asks us to take every lustful thought or vain imagination captive to the obedience of Christ.
"No temptation has overtaken you, but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).
Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ during the moment of temptation.
You take every loose thought, emotion, sexual desire, and impulse captive to Christ by running to Jesus.
Simply focus on and agree with Jesus.
This type of thinking allows your actions and life to be structured and shaped by Christ.
Responding and using God’s way of escape clears away every temptation or obstruction to living life fully as God intended.
REVIEW: Five Truths to Defeat Temptation
There are only two ways to respond to temptation and acknowledge that you are being tempted. You and you alone are the one who determines what path you take. You will either give in to temptation and sin or defeat temptation through the power of Jesus!
Identify the Addiction
Run to God and focus on Him the exact moment you are being tempted.
Run to God the spring of living waters.
Acknowledge your broken cisterns or coping mechanisms.
Everything happens the moment you are tempted.
Believe the truth!
Jesus was tempted in every way but without sin.
God does not tempt you!
You are tempted by the world, flesh, and devil.
Focusing on temptation rather than God leads to sin.
Your thoughts become lustful and turn into behaviors.
Thoughts and behaviors acted out become sin.
Unrepentant sin becomes demonic strongholds and, eventually, death.
Focus on God in the moment of temptation.
Humbly submit to God, and He will draw near.
Resist the devil and he must flee.
You are not tempted beyond your means.
God is always faithful.
God always provides a way of escape—Jesus!
Jesus is our mighty and powerful weapon!
Jesus is your example!
Acknowledge the temptation at the moment.
Be intimately acquainted with God and His Word.
Reject the lie of the enemy, accept the truth.
Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ during the moment of temptation.
You take every loose thought, emotion, sexual desire, and impulse captive to God by running to Jesus.
Simply focus on and agree with Jesus.
This type of thinking allows your actions and life to be structured and shaped by Christ.
Responding and using God’s way of escape clears away every temptation (obstruction).
GODLY RESPONSE TO TEMPTATION CYCLE
Acknowledge you’re being tempted—> Choose to Focus on God—> Resist the Devil and Submit to God—> Tell the enemy to leave—> Ask Jesus for His way of escape—> Thank Jesus for giving you His strength and direction—> Expect the Holy Spirit to Lead and Empower you—> Respond in the Spirit—> Walk by faith until the next time you are tempted—> Repeat the Godly Response to Temptation Cycle.
GODLY RESPONSE TO SIN, A CONFESSION CYCLE
Acknowledge your Sin—> Confess and Repent of your sin—> Ask God to cleanse you—> Thank God you are forgiven past, present, and future—> Receive your Forgiveness—> Ask God for His Strength—> Go back and follow the Godly Response to Temptation Cycle the next time you are tempted.
End Result
Walking in the Fruit of the Spirit (see blog post titled "How to Walk in the Spirit"
Appendix 1 - Three Healing Paths or Mind-Sets
When we look to God for healing, there are three ways to approach Him. There are three lenses by which to view His Holy Scriptures. One, we are living out of the Old Covenant Law and in our obedience and trying harder so that He will bless us. Two, we believe in counseling where the therapist is the agent of change, and our insight is the catalyst for healing. A very popular worldview and prevalent in the institutional church as well. Three, we live by faith in the complete sufficiency of Christ allowing God's presence to be more desired than healing. Three allows God to be the agent of change for healing and restoration.
The Old Covenant Mind-Set
In the Old Covenant, we feel a need to live under the law, keep the rules so that we can please God and continue trying harder in our efforts to motivate God. This leads to penance which is trying harder, failing, beating ourselves up which we believe will motivate us to try even harder. We believe if we get it right God would have to respond to our good intentions and efforts and bless or heal us. The law could not save us, and the law cannot heal us. If the Old Covenant was required to be healed, then Jesus died needlessly (Gal 2:21). The Old Way never works! Praise God there’s a much better way.
The Counseling or Insight Mind-Set
The counseling cycle is all about you and your attitudes, insight, and self-effort. It starts with becoming aware of our problems; then the counselor helps us to gain insight into the issue, and then we develop a strategy to fix the problem. We develop a support system to help us succeed, ultimately this leads to self-preoccupation which we call naval gazing. The counseling cycle supports the idea that life is all about you, and the therapist and God are here to help you get what you want.
It is a subtle way to focus on self rather than God. The institutional church is caught up with this method of healing and many offer strategies rather than intimacy with the living God. Guess what? It’s the Old Covenant wine put into a new wine skin which renders both useless. This counseling or insight strategy is counterfeit to faith and trust in Jesus.
My Flesh ACTING OUT Cycle
covering pain or sin—acting Out behaviors—pleasure—exhilaration—feeling alive—shame—penance—
--penance—shame—feeling dead—exhilaration—distress—acting Out behaviors
My Flesh ACTING IN Cycle
covering pain or sin—acting In behaviors—depression—not being enough—feeling dead—shame—penance—
--penance—shame—feeling dead—not being enough—depression—acting In behaviors
The New Covenant Grace Mind-Set
The New Covenant Cycle leads to true authentic healing and restoration. It is a pathway to restoring our true, real and authentic selves created in God’s image and recreated in the image of Christ. It is the way of the Spirit and living in the sufficiency of Jesus Christ. It draws us toward our “True Identity” allowing every Christian to enjoy God intimately. It provides everything we need for life and godliness (2 Pet 1:3-4) which is already a reality “In Christ.”
The Lord is committed to helping us maintain this cycle which starts with Jesus and ends with Jesus the author and finisher of our faith (Heb 13). Next, we acknowledge our brokenness, sin, pain, and woundedness and acknowledge our total dependence on the Holy Trinity. True dependency results in knowing there is nothing we can do to help ourselves, leading us to trust in a caring and loving God. The only response is to run to God and drink from the living waters (Jn 7:37-39). The appropriate response to the movement of the Holy Spirit is to receive our New Covenant blessings (Eph 1:3), and this includes healing. It is God’s way to true and lasting healing and complete restoration. Many would call this sanctification. We will encounter God with honest and sincere hearts in our brokenness and find love, grace, and healing in His presence. It is the fertile ground where we see intimacy emerge, and finally a transformation into the image of Christ. Jesus is the beginning and the ending of this New Covenant healing cycle. “I am the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last” (Rev 3).
I choose the New Covenant Grace Mindset and allow God to be the agent of change my healing! Yes or No
Appendix 2 - Behavioral Addiction
An addiction is a destructive behavior that is compulsive or obsessive that a person can't stop. Its main purpose is two-fold: one to fill an empty void that only Jesus can fill, and two, to cover or take away physical, emotional, psychological, or spiritual pain. Addictions affect brain plasticity and neuropathways, hormonal secretions, and psychological decisions that impede functions of the soul comprised of the will, heart attitudes, and choices in the mind. Addictions are destructive to the addict and his/her relationships, especially, in family and with spouses. Destructive to the point of death from drug overdoses, suicide, and failed marriages. They cause physical illness, mental breakdowns, and stress. Spiritually addiction would be considered idolatry, putting it as more important than God. The addict is unaware of their true identity in Christ.
It is a selfish and self-absorbed lifestyle hurting everyone in their sphere of influence. The intake of serotonin, a hormone that causes pleasure, and a decrease in oxytocin which causes satisfaction makes addictions more intense, severe, and unmanageable. An increase in the need for pleasure and a decrease in satisfaction is an addict's nightmare and fuels and motivates its continuance. The following is a list of some common addictions: alcohol, drugs, pain medication, gambling, food, pornography, lust, homosexuality, and carnal desires leading to sexual sin.
Addictions can take control of a person’s life for many reasons. The addict can be a soul that’s in pain and trying relief or escape as the “medicine” of choice, which may be sex, work, alcohol, drugs, food, hurting oneself, or a combination of these. You rarely have just one addiction, it’s called co-morbidity. Alternatively, you may be a person whose spiritual life is nonexistent and who uses addiction to fill the void of God. Lastly, people can become addicted unintentionally because of a neurological imbalance or do it intentionally for a neurological reward. Addictive behaviors usually include at least three of the following characteristics:
Spending more time involved in addictive behavior than expected.
Many unsuccessful attempts to reduce time spent on the behavior or to stop addiction.
A great deal of time is required to recover from the behavior,
Social or work plans affected by the addictive behavior,
Choosing to pursue the behavior instead of participating in a normal social, occupational, or recreational activity.
Marked tolerance for the behavior where it takes more to get the same effect,
Withdrawal symptoms if not pursuing the addictive behavior.
Continuing to pursue the behavior to avoid withdrawal symptoms.
Addiction is a drive to escape painful emotions, traumas, and abuses that have become unmanageable rather than running in faith in God.
It provides a way of escape; a false solution; and a means to control loneliness, anger, anxiety, woundedness, and fear.
There are “building blocks” or behaviors that form a foundation upon which other addictive behaviors are built which include:
Characteristics of an Addicted Person
The following are the characteristics of an addicted person.
• One, they have a poor self-image.
• Two, they succumb to mood alterations and escape.
• Three, they have a sense of entitlement that is accompanied by a demanding and prideful spirit.
• Fourth, their behaviors are unmanageable, and efforts to control and pull themselves up by their bootstraps (will-power or try harder) never succeed.
• Five, they live in denial, delusions, and blackouts.
• Six, they have dogmatic, unyielding, and rigid thinking.
• Seven, they are angry liars excusing themselves and blaming others.
• Eight, they are very co-dependent and face challenges with relationship issues, including physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy.
• Nine, they are usually sexually ignorant and confused.
• Ten, most addicts have attention-deficient disorders, depression, and anxiety.
All addictions follow roughly the same cycle. It begins with shame > preoccupation > ritual > addiction acting out or acting in, which leads to despair. With despair, the cycle begins again with a preoccupation to somehow find relief from the despair.
Appendix 3 - Intimacy Avoidance is a Type of Anorexia
The observable symptoms of Intimacy Avoidance would include a self-contempt that they are usually unaware of and a preoccupation with addictive behaviors. They have escalating patterns of activity. They act distant or withdrawn. They demonstrate depression and mood swings. They are irritable and abuse of self or others. They are self-condemning and resistant to supervision and criticism. They are not spiritually authentic and keep everything on a surface level, especially, in the presence of their spouse.
The emotional characteristics are described as being unwilling or unable to share emotions. with their spouse. Having difficulty sharing feelings is also a universal characteristic of the intimacy anorexic. Having ongoing or ungrounded criticism leads to distance in relationships. It can be the low-grade put-downs toward the spouse, noticing what they do wrong, or just regularly pointing out their bad ideas. Those who use anger or silence as a characteristic use it with a vengeance. This intimacy-avoidant characteristic is described as any use of anger or silence to push away, punish, or control the spouse. The feature of controlling or shaming the spouse about money.
Four Basic Causes
There are four basic causes of intimacy anorexia. One is the addiction to fantasy and pornography. Two, being physically or sexually abused (80% of addicts are sexually abused as children). Three, an inappropriate attachment to the opposite gender parent, can be an over-attachment issue or a lack of attachment. Fourth, growing up in an emotionally abusive or manipulative home, this emotional abuse can be passive or aggressive.
INTIMACY ANOREXIC ASSESSMENT
Circle yes or no as it applies to yourself or your spouse. Both spouses should take the test and share the results. Many believe that sexual/intimacy anorexia can only be accurately assessed in a marriage relationship by the spouse of the anorexic.
Do you withhold love from your partner? YES or NO
Do you withhold praise or appreciation from your spouse? YES or NO
Do you control with silence or anger? YES or NO
Is there ongoing or unground criticism causing isolation? YES or NO,
Do you withhold sex or your intimate presence from your spouse? YES or NO
Are you unable or unwilling to discuss feelings with your spouse? YES or NO
Do you stay so busy there is no relational time for your spouse? YES or NO
Do you make problems or issues about your spouse (blame) instead of owning your issues? YES or NO
Do you control or shame your partner regarding money issues? YES or NO,
Do you withhold spiritual intimacy with your spouse by keeping?
If there are more than 5 or more "yes" answers, it indicates the presence of Intimacy Anorexia.
Appendix 4 - Emotional Dysfunction and Addiction
Emotional healing begins with experiencing the Presence of God and His transformation is to be mindful or attentive to the present moment. The way we do this is by acknowledging our emotions. Keep in mind that you don’t choose your emotions; no one chooses to be fearful, angry, anxious, or depressed. They come because of the circumstances in our lives. They are a reaction to life-good (joy) or bad(fear). For example, if you get into a fight with your spouse, it feels like he/she is rejecting or criticizing you, and anger or unworthiness arises. Do not judge your feelings as good or bad, just acknowledge them. Your feelings will show you where you are at this very moment in time. When you acknowledge your negative emotions two extremely crucial things happen: one, you are living in the truth of the moment or present time, and two, God will always meet you or show up when you live in the present moment. When you repress (subconscious) or suppress (conscious) your feelings, then you tend to live in the pain of your past or fear of the future. Denial keeps you distracted, busy, and living out of your broken cisterns. Therefore, this is your starting point for the Intimacy with God.
"Clark was an engineer married with three children. His wife complained that he was emotionally disconnected emotionally. In his family of origin emotions were to be ignored or suppressed because, in a family who worshiped the intellect and achievement, they had no purpose or value. During one of our Intimacy Retreats Clark commented, “I had found that when I learned to suppress a negative emotion, I inadvertently repressed all my emotions.” This led me to a joyless and relationally dead life."
Let’s take anger as an example. The Scripture says,
“Be ANGRY and yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity” (Ephesians 4:26, 27).
“Be Angry” seems to suggest that it is OK to feel or have emotions, even if they are negative ones. You are not in control of your emotions; they are real but don't always reflect reality. They bring us into the present moment where God lives. The correct response to our emotions is to acknowledge them. Rather than acknowledge these emotions, many people try to repress their negative emotions, this is where emotional dysfunction becomes an addiction and leads to a dead heart.
“Do Not Sin” indicates that we are not to abuse others or ourselves through our emotions. Acting out (abuse) or acting in through repression (deadening our live hearts) are both sins.
“Do not let the sun go down on your anger (or any other negative emotion)” indicates that rather than dwelling or brooding in our emotional state (addictive behavior), we are to run to God for revelation, resolution, and healing.
“Do not give the devil an opportunity;” if we do not run to God to help us live fully out of our heart (emotions), it allows the devil to influence us. It's what the Bible calls a fortress or stronghold that reinforces addictive reactions.
When we see what it is that we believe about ourselves, God, or others during certain emotions we can offer our thoughts and belief systems to God. We are now moving towards taking every thought or belief captive to the obedience of Christ.
“For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians. 10:3-5).
During this process, God reveals to us how the devil (the father of lies) is lying to us and what lies we believe about ourselves, God, and others.
“You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44).
The only way the devil and his demons have any power or influence over a believer is if we believe the lies. If we believe we are unworthy when we feel angry, then the enemy has the right to attack our values and identity, and we will live and behave accordingly. strengthening your addiction.
Believing Lies Keep You in Bondage to Your Addictions
The following are lies many Christians believe about themselves that promote behavioral and emotional addictions.
No one would love me if they knew the things I have done or thought.
My identity comes from what I do or have done.
I have an emotional addiction; therefore, that is who I am.
I am labeled as _______________; thus, that is who I am.
Due to this label, I must act as such and play the part.
Women or men cannot be trusted. God cannot be trusted.
The more people know about me, the more they will use it against me.
My secrets keep me safe.
Anger keeps people away and keeps me safe.
Real men do everything on their own.
Real men do not show their feelings or emotions.
Everyone needs and uses me; I don’t need anyone.
Emotions are a sign of weakness.
People cannot be trusted.
I am loved and accepted when I do things right and do things well.
I will never be good enough.
Self-talk: I’m a loser, I’m stupid, I’m unlovable.
I will never be a success or amount to anything.
People are always taking advantage of me or let me down.
Keeping silent, even though I am hurting, shows my maturity.
No one cares; God doesn’t care about me.
If I let people get too close, they might hurt me.
It’s better to repress or shut down my emotions or sexuality rather than sin.
I don’t just do bad things, I am bad.
What are some of your core beliefs that are lies from the pit of hell?
The following are lies many Christians believe about God that promote emotional addictions.
God loves others, but he doesn’t love me
God loves me, but He’s not capable of healing or changing me.
How can God love me after all the bad things I have done in my life?
I deserve God’s judgment because I have addictions.
God always seems to disappear when I need Him the most.
God does not answer my prayers, especially, around my behavioral and emotional addictions.
What are some of your beliefs about God that are lies from the pit of hell?
The following are lies many Christians believe about others that promote behavioral and emotional addictions.
My parents only love me when I perform at a high level.
My spouse only tolerates me.
If my children obeyed, then I would be a good parent.
My friends only pretend to like me.
What are some of your core beliefs about others that are lies from the pit of hell?
Cognitive Distortions
Over the years, we have worked with many kinds of traumas, addictions, and intimacy issues. Usually, they have some form of distorted belief system or thought processes. How we think is a major influence on how we behave and deal with emotions.
“For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7).
The following are examples of distorted thinking.
Defensive Thinking: Defensiveness looks like: blame, excuses, defending self, having to be heard, minimizing, lying, and anger. These all keep people at a distance.
Exaggerated Thinking: Making an issue bigger than it needs to be. This can lead to an argument or even intentionally pick a fight to get out of doing something you do not want to do but make it appear unintentional and innocent.
Bitter Thinking: Assuming something negative where there is no evidence to support it. Staying in your head and not sharing your thoughts with others. Thinking that you know the true intentions of those around you, which are usually to harm you.
Should of, Could of, Would of, If Only Thinking: Focusing on what may have happened but did not happen. Living life with regret. Hindsight is always 20/20. Use fantasy to relive and rewrite the past to benefit your perspective of right and wrong.
Judge, Jury, and Executioner Thinking: After staying in your head and becoming bitter, you role-play and fantasize about getting even with those who disrespected you.
Absolute Thinking: You always do that. You never do that. Every time you do that.
Justification Thinking: My behaviors do not hurt others; they only affect me. I have worked hard today, so I deserve this. This will be the last time.
Comparison Thinking: My partner does not say those nice things to me. My partner does not look as good as he/she does. My partner does not affirm me as he/she does.
Magnification Thinking: Thinking of your good qualities as better than they are. Thinking the defects of others are worse than they are.
Minimization Thinking: Thinking your defects to be less than they are. Thinking the strengths of others to be less than they are.
Awfulizing: Only thinking about the worst, not considering that the worst may not happen.
Feelings over Facts: Making choices based on how you feel and not on factual information or intellectual reasoning. Remember feelings are real but not always reality.
Facts over Feelings: Making choices based on your perception of the facts discounting the feeling of others.
Labeling: Gives you a sense of feeling better about yourself by treating the person as an object and not a person. You are stupid. You’re borderline. You’re a sex addict. You’re co-dependent. You’re a schizoid. You’re depressed, etc.
Accusation/Blame: Assuming the other person is the cause of your problems and unmet expectations. I know what you meant.
Entitlement Thinking: Thinking and believing that society and others owe you, and you should have things you may not have worked for.
Self-Righteous or Pride Thinking: I am special and deserve to be around others who are special and of power or influence. I am unique, like no one else, and deserve unique treatment. I am better than others.
Criminal Thinking: Anti-social Thoughts, such as the rules apply to others, not me. It is only wrong if I get caught, they have so much they will not miss it.
Victim Thinking: You think that circumstances and others are against you, no matter how hard you try, society, family, friends, or work. Everybody takes advantage of me etc.
Believing lies and cognitive disorders in your thinking will always keep you from intimacy with God and others. If the truth sets you free, then believing lies will keep you in bondage. The truth of God's Word, the character of the Trinity, and the power and guidance of the Holy Spirit will help navigate through trials and tribulations and any addiction.
Appendix 5 - Coping Strategies and Broken Cisterns
The purpose of processing and understanding how you cope is to allow God to show and reveal to you how you deal with your addiction, pain, and brokenness apart from Him. We call these broken cisterns or coping strategies, and they indicate the vows we have made during previous times of trauma, abuse, and crisis.
“For My people have committed two evils: they have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, to hew for themselves cisterns, broken cisterns that can hold no water” (Jeremiah 2:13).
There are many examples of broken cisterns. All addictions (alcohol, drugs, food, porn, anger, fear, apathy, etc.) that help mask or cover the pain. Broken cisterns are distractions of all kinds; work as avoidance, legalistic Religions (you must work or perform to be saved or sanctified), co-dependency (the need for others to identify and validate who you are), perfectionism, and compulsive behaviors. Overuse of technology can become a distraction from intimacy and relationships (computers, social media, phones, games of all kinds). Lies are how you are deceived, and vows are how you choose to cope. any strategy that takes away your pain other than an intimate relationship with God. They end up being idols before God. Vows open the door to spiritual warfare and lead to demonic strongholds. Now that we know and acknowledge our lies and vows, we can give them to the Lord in prayer. The cross and resurrection of Jesus are sufficient to break all lies, vows, and addictions.
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